Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
