i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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