I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
