reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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