from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
