I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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