I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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