you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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