i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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