make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
