Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm really busy with my period
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