He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize