They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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