dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he fucked my hip out of place.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
