Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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