just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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