So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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