I wish I could teleport
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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