I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
