you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
