yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
