you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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