when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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