omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
