I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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