lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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