Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
