I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
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Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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