I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
