lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
