i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
