i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize