i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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