you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
