Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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