As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
