he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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