It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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