i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
