I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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