I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
