Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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