I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
