bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize