he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
