I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
