I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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