I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
