You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
