I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
