Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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