So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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