apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
