Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
