One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
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