1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
