woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
