i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
