we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
