You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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