After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm just crazy horny about you
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
