this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
