my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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