Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
