You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
