Jerry, you need to find god
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
