i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
