I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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