I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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