This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
kristin has been a bad kristin
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm just crazy horny about you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
