im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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