if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
