and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
