I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
