my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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