The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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