im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
