I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i will never coherently bang her
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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