I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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