I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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