so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Randomize
