And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Vodka?
Forever.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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