6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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